Mike Story #1: The Oyster Incident
My brother Mike called me yesterday. I answered. It was an unusual, wonderful, and bizarre conversation. And as such phone calls with Mike are inclined to do, it set off a several-hour acute episode of Mike on the Brain, a condition that causes me to sit, stare at the floor, and think back on everything my brother Mike has ever done to make me laugh, cry, call the police, and want to move to another country.
Throughout the day today I’ll be posting three of my most classic, deeply-ingrained Mike tales from the archives. They will make you laugh, cry, call the police, and want to move to another country.
This is the first of those tales.
THE OYSTER INCIDENT
Growing up with a developmentally disabled sibling, though generally wonderful in so very many ways, can be tricky. Just when you think you’ve got their moves all figured out, ka-BLAM! They change the rules on you and you’re left wandering around in the smoldering aftermath, wondering what on earth happened.
Case-in-point: My precious, dear brother, Mike. Mike, at age 42, despite innumerable intellectual and physical challenges, enjoys a life chock full of independence, friendships, and activity. He has his own apartment, can cook himself Ramen noodles like no one’s business, and has a network of blessed souls in our hometown who willingly drive Mike from point A to point B several times a week whether they particularly feel like it or not. Aside from this angelic circle of friends Mike has carved out for himself, I largely credit my parents for the heights to which Mike has climbed over the course of his life; instead of emphasizing and highlighting Mike’s handicaps, they simply threw him into the mix with the rest of us numskulls in the family. And though they regularly availed themselves of the help and resources they needed to assist Mike in his handicap through the years, most of the time Mike was just another one of the kids.
I, for one, never even realized Mike was different until around age seven, when my best friend Becky, grabbed me emotionally by the shoulders one day and hugged me, burying her head in my neck and sobbing, “REE, I’M SO…SO…SO SORRY ABOUT MIKEY!”
“What?” I asked. “What do you mean?”
“Well…uhhh,” Becky answered.
“What are you talking about, Sillly?” I continued, giving Becky a playful slug. I seriously had no clue.
“Well…he’s…he’s different, Ree-Ree,” Becky said. “He was born a little…different.”
I paused for a moment, then asked, “Wanna go ride bikes?” Nothing she said had registered.
Over time, however, I did come to realize that there was something about Mike that was a little removed from the standard definition of “normal.” At public places, little kids who didn’t know Mike would point and ask their mothers, “Who is that funny little man?” I generally wanted to punch them, especially if I knew Mike had heard them, but I usually stopped myself because I didn’t really know how to punch anyone back then. Still don’t. And besides that, I understood that most of the time, the kids didn’t mean any harm by their points and their stares. Mike did look different, after all, and most young children just aren’t equipped to process the protruding ears and stubby fingers and thick upper lip without staring and taking it all in for several minutes. To the world outside of our small-town community—most of whom knew and loved Mike from day one—Mike was different. But to me and the rest of my siblings, he was just another member of the family.
This meant, of course, that Mike didn’t get any special treatment. We didn’t handle him with kid gloves, didn’t coddle him, didn’t spare the kid one speck of the same sibling abuse we hurled at one another on a daily basis. And most of the time, Mike handled it fine and bounced right back, just like the rest of us. But every now and then, a wire would cross and Mike would get mad. Livid. Furious. Usually he’d just yell something eloquent: “YOU TURKEY DAMN BUTT HELL ASS!” was his weapon of choice most of the time. But occasionally it would really spiral downward, ending in a fit of frustration that would cause Mike to lunge at my other brother (see final story below), who was about two feet taller than Mike, and try to wrestle him to the ground and beat the tar out of him. And then Mike’s glasses would fall off, which would send him into a whole other psychological frenzy. And when it was over, none of us could ever figure out how it had all gone so wrong. Then we’d all dust ourselves off and go to the pool.
These moments were usually over as quickly as they began, and then we’d all go back to the business of being sibs and teasing each other about how bad we smelled or looked or how dumb we were. You know, positive family stuff like that. And over time, as Mike got older, he learned to deal with his frustrations in more constructive ways, and the rest of us learned the buttons to avoid. And most of the time, things were harmonious. Until one summer when our family went to Hilton Head for vacation.
Vacations are stressful for a lot of people. Routines change, and those with delicate sensibilities (i.e. Mike) can sometimes have a hard time with the upheaval. When it came to family vacations to Hilton Head, Mike would begin to show signs of clinical mania up to two weeks before the trip even began. The anticipation, the excitement, the packing, the plans—it all gave Mike something to focus on and look forward to. He’d bounce off the walls with glee. Sometimes I’d want to tranquilize him. Then, when we’d arrive on Hilton Head, there’d be the four to five day orientation period, when Mike would roam the island, getting to know all the new security guards and cops and memorizing all the “shovel bus” (shuttle bus) schedules so he’d be sure never to miss a ride. Those first few days were always happy, always full of promise and hope.
But then the fatigue would set in and Mike would start to go south. Usually this would manifest itself in an unexpected “TURKEY DAMN BUTT HELL ASS” outburst at the beach or maybe at the market. One year, though, when we were all young adults, Mike did something none of us could have anticipated.
We were eating at Calibogue Cafe, a delicious seafood restaurant in Harbor Town. It was Day Five of our vacation and we all should have known to mind our P’s and Q’s, but Mike had been just fine up until that meal. But then the waitress came to the table to take our order, and we all ordered the standard fare…except for Mike.
“I w-w-w-want four orders of Oysters on the Half Shell,” he told the waitress. Mike loves oysters.
“Well, Sweetie,” she replied, “One order comes with about nine oysters. And they’re pretty big.”
“That’s fine,” Mike said, handing her his menu.
My dad leaned over to Mike and said, “Hey, pal—why don’t you just get one or two? Then you won’t get stuffed.”
“No,” Mike responded. “I want f-f-f-four orders of Oysters on the Half Shell.”
Then my mom tried. “Mikey, that’s a lot of oysters. I think that’ll make you sick.”
Mike looked straight at the waitress and repeated his request. “I…will take..four orders of Oysters on the Half Shell.” His volume was slowly increasing.
That’s when my older brother chimed in.
“Mike, come on!” he said. “Let it go—just get two orders! You won’t eat it all anyway!”
Steely-eyed, Mike glared at him and raised his voice, “I am a grown up man and I c-c-c-can decide what I want to order!” People at neighboring tables began to glance in our direction.
We should have let it go, but we didn’t. My siblings and I decided to let Mike have it, in the same way we would have let one another have it.
Mike, you’re being unreasonable.
Mike, get over yourself.
Mike, that’s 36 oysters.
Mike, just get two orders.
Mike, cut it out. Our poor waitress looked at her watch.
That’s when he reached his limit. Pushing his chair backward so fast it fell over, Mike jumped up from the table, threw his napkin on his chair, and screamed—screamed at the top of his lungs—”I QUIT OF YOU THIS DUMB FAMILY!” And though I’d never heard that exact combination of words ever uttered before, I pretty much knew what he was trying to say. He’d had it. He’d been pushed too far. And he was done with us.
Mike finished off the scene with a nice “YOU BUTTS!” and stormed out of the restaurant, leaving us there to burn in the embers.
___________________________________
My dad went outside to retrieve Mike about five minutes later, knowing he’d be sitting on a bench talking to a security guard or some nice passerby. But he wasn’t. “I can’t find Mike,” my dad said when he returned to the table. “He’s not out there.” We all looked at each other, a hint of concern on our faces.
After combing Harbor Town, we decided to head back to the house, hoping he’d be there making himself some Ramen noodles. He wasn’t. And we all began to worry.
Four hours passed. And during that time, we’d alternate searching for Mike, checking with security guards and shovel bus drivers and restaurant hostesses and anyone we could ask. We all wound up back at the house, hoping against hope he’d show up. It was dark outside, and we were scared. I cried, imagining all sorts of terrible things that could have happened to Mike. And then, at 11:00 sharp, just as my frantic mother was about to pick up the phone to call the police, the front door opened…and Mike walked in.
“Mike, where have you BEEN?” we asked. I’d never been more glad to see another person in my life.
But Mike didn’t answer. Instead, with a determined look on his face, he reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out a brand new package of Marlboro Reds, which he’d evidently picked up on his Walk of Independence about town. With his short, stubby fingers, he unwrapped the outer cellophane and removed one cigarette, placing it in his mouth. Then he pulled a red Bic lighter from his other pocket, lit the cigarette, and stood there in front of us, smoking the cigarette as if his life—or, at least, his independence—depended on it. And we all sat there and watched, unsure of what to say.
That was the first—and last—cigarette Mike ever smoked.
And that was the last time any of us ever tried to come between Mike and his oysters.
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platurn
Get familiar with Oakland's DJ Platurn who just dropped some new blends and edits on our digital site. He also did a chart of sureshots from the extended Lab fam you can check here
Tell us about your early djing years. how did you start? what kind of equipment did you use? how did you get the equipment?
My pops was a DJ back in Iceland in the 70's. I grew up around a nurtured obsession with vinyl so I blame him entirely. I first started messing around with actual equipment on my homie's mobile set-up in high school. I didn't actually get my own turns 'til the mid 90's. I bought my first set up out of the back of The Source - Upstairs Records starter package: 2 belt-drive Gemini's and a Lineartech mixer with big 'ol transformer buttons on both sides of the crossfader. Worst equipment ever.
What kind of equipment do you use now?
2 Technics 1200's (same ones i've always had), a Rane TTM 56 mixer, full Serato rig & a Pioneer EFX box, Pro-Tools/Fruity Loops on the desktop and an M-Audio Axiom 49 midi keyboard.
What got you into producing?
Diggin' for samples/breaks seems to automatically make you want to produce. Once you get your hands on the source material you wanna see if you can actually compose tracks yourself. It's a natural progression if you're seeking out loops and chunky drums. That and simply wanting to be like my heroes, who were generally both DJs and producers and equally good at both.
You’re originally from Iceland, what’s the djing scene like out there?
Not too bad. The average club goer knows not so much about active turntable trickery but there is a vibrant hip-hop scene out there and a handful of pretty dope DJs that run the scene. The hip-hop scene in Iceland is definitely one to check for.
Who are some other Icelandic artists that we should be looking out for?
Besides the standards (Bjork, Sigur Ros, Mum and Mugison), there is also Iceland's premier funk outfit Jaguar and our top reggae (yes, reggae) group Hjalmar. Also a big fan of Flis, translated directly as splinter. The sound of Icelandic music is definitely not for everyone but at the end of the day there is no arguing with the level of talent we have musician wise. Hip-Hop acts to check for would be Forgotten Lores, Steve Sampling, BlazRoca, Bent and 7Berg and Dori DNA among many others. Definite shout out to DJ Rampage as well, Iceland's most successful hip-hop promoter and the man single handedly responsible for bringing everyone from Smif N' Wesson to Roc Raida to Blackalicious to our tiny little island in the north.
How did the Oakland to Iceland movie come about?
My sister started filming me on my trip back to the motherland in 2006. She ultimately decided to utilize the footage and combine with additional video she shot after I left, touching upon not only more of my past but the current Icelandic hip-hop scene as well. I composed all the music after the fact and it turned into a cool little flick about my life as a DJ and how hip-hop somewhat struggles to exist in the current state of the Icelandic music scene. You can get more info at oaklandtoiceland.com
The bay area was a hotbed for turntablism, how is the record scene over there now?
Alive and well for sure. There are quite a bit of all vinyl functions happening now and the digging culture has definitely made quite a comeback. We have parties like Sweaterfunk and my monthly 45 Sessions and our turntable scene is as vibrant as its always been with events like Skratchpad and the 4onefunktion. We are still hungry in the Bay for new music and new ways of playing it. I don't think that will ever change. Shouts out to the Bangerz and 4onefunk and my crew the Oakland Faders for holding it down the hardest - FingerFaderFunk unite yo!
What are some of your favorite unexpected record finds?
I've never been one to spend big bucks on wax so most of my pleasant surprises digging around the world have been accidental finds. Here in the Bay there have been a few times where the flea market finds were just amazing. Myself and the homie Edaboss caught a box a few years back with prolly 300 7's for 20 bucks. The markets and second hand stores around the Bay not known as elite digging spots are always great resources if you know how to hunt properly. I also found a box of records behind an old windmill on Telegraph Avenue in the middle of the night many years back that had a dope Eldridge Cleaver vocal record and John Klemmer's 'Blowin' Gold' LP among some other winners.
For those who have not seen you live, what kind of music do you play when you dj? What DJs have influenced the way you DJ?
When I DJ, even now primarily on the digital tip, you will always hear my play a good amount of hip-hop samples along with the rap songs that sampled them. I always revert back to the old-school and tracks with big ass drums in 'em. I love funk music and classic rap. My biggest DJ influence of all time is Jam Master Jay (RIP). I am also a big fan of Shortkut and Spinbad. DJ Scratch and Premier are cats I try to emulate constantly on the cut. Any DJ with his own distinct style I tend to admire.
What were you like in high school?
I quoted Marcus Garvey in my senior year book, wore Cross Colours and repped my crew School Yard Giants. I was voted 'Best white boy' dancer, played basketball, drank 40's and listened to Gang Starr. Needless to say I was a bit confused and had a hard time being intensely bored in the southern California suburbs.
Your 5 favorite DJ records
My 12" doubles of 'Holy Ghost' & "Ain't We Funkin' Now", my OG 'Pussy Footer 12, test press of "Live At The BBQ" and my brand spankin' new "Midas Touch" remix 12 with Kat O1O, out now on BSTRD Boots - wink wink ;)
Your 5 favorite non-DJ records
Camarata's "A Child's Introduction To Melody", Jukka Tolonen's "The Hook" LP, Adriano Celentano's "Disc Jockey/prisencolinensinainciusol" 7 inch, my 45 of Pretty Purdie's "Soul Drums/Funky Donkey" and my LP copy of Eik's "Speglun" that my cousin laced me with (Icelandic funk from the 70's baby! - good luck with that one)
Your 5 favorite spots to eat
Suppenkuchen in SF
Baejarins Bestu in Reykjavik
Koryo Sushi in Oakland
Janos Grillades in Montreal
Top Dog in Berkeley
Things you like to do, non-musical
Eat my fiances food
drink local beer
ride my bike
watch documentaries and dumb ass 80's comedies
and enjoy time with good friends and family in warm Cali weather
Word on the street is that you like asian girls, true?
Hahaha! You're joking right? I am a fan of all creeds, colors and races - the # 1 lady in my life is Japanese and Peruvian so I guess that backs up 50 percent of your rumor. Where the hell did you hear that?
check out Platurn's Blends + Edits For The Lab on digital
check out Platurn + Kat O1O's Midas Touch remix on 12" vinyl
check out Platurn's chart on ttl digital
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U-Kiss-Bingeul Bingeul (The Best Song)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CtLWGX5yHFs
Lyrics:
Are you ready!!
u u u u-kiss and
brave sound brave sound
binggeul baenggeul binggeul baenggeul
binggeul baenggeul binggeul baenggeul
binggeul baenggeul binggeul baenggeul
binggeul baenggeul binggeul baenggeul(yeah Ha!!)
hwatgime baeteun mari yoreon kkori dwaesseo
ije wa huhoehaedo michin sorin geol
neowa na ireon nari ol jureun mollasseo
I wanna see you girl dorawa jebal
nareul tteonagaseo neoman jal sara
mwot gateun sanghwangiya nan jeongmal jichyeosseo
jeonhwa han tong jocha haji annneun neo
neon mot! dwaet! seo!
nae meorin binggeul binggeul
nal tteonagaji malla haetjanha
jeongmallo niga pillyohadan mallya
I just want you baby here right now, now! now!
saranghago itdan marya
binggeul baenggeul binggeul baenggeul(ni juwireul) binggeul baenggeul binggeul baenggeul
binggeul baenggeul binggeul baenggeul(oneuldo) binggeul baenggeul binggeul baenggeul(yeah Ha!!)
nan ni juwireul maemdora binggeul binggeul
neomani nal manjoksikyeo You make me tingle tingle
neon nae sarmui bingo keojyeobeoryeotdeon nae eager
ttaemune nan neoreul irheo neon mirror soge girl
jjaekkakjjaekkak jjaekkakjjaekkak siganeun heulleogago
o dodaeche al su eobseo neoui maeumeul
saengkkeussaengkkeut saengkkeussaengkkeut misojitdeon neo
eodiro ganni na mot chatgetda girl
nareul tteonagaseo neoman jal sara
mwot gateun sanghwangiya nan jeongmal jichyeosseo
jeonhwa han tong jocha haji annneun neo
neon mot! dwaet! seo!
eojet bam mwo!haet!seo! oo
nal tteonagaji malla haetjanha
jeongmallo niga pillyohadan mallya
I just want you baby here right now, now! now!
saranghago itdan marya!!
binggeul baenggeul binggeul baenggeul (ni juwireul) binggeul baenggeul binggeul baenggeul
binggeul baenggeul binggeul baenggeul (oneuldo) binggeul baenggeul binggeul baenggeul(yeah Ha!!)
I just want you know
ajikdo saranghajanha(Hey!)
naegen neo ppunirangeo jal algo itjanha(Ho!)
jiul su eopdan geol You are the only one
jebal nareul tteonajima!!
binggeul baenggeul binggeul baenggeul(binggeul binggeul)
binggeul baenggeul binggeul baenggeul
binggeul baenggeul binggeul baenggeul(binggeul binggeul)binggeul baenggeul binggeul baenggeul(yeah Ha!!)
ni juwireul nan oneuldo
Translation:
Are you ready
u u u u-kiss and
brave sound brave sound
Spin spin spin spin. Spin spin spin spin
Spin spin spin spin. Spin spin spin spin
It was all words said out of anger
Even though I regret now, I was crazy, girl
I never thought you and I would have such a day
I wanna see you girl, come back, please
Now that you have left me, only you are living well
What kind of situation is this, Im really exhausted
Not even a phone call from you
Youre. So. Mean.
My head is spinning spinning
Dont leave me
I definitely need you
I just want you baby here right now now now
I love you
Spin spin spin spin (Around you) spin spin spin spin
Spin spin spin spin (Today, too) spin spin spin spin
Im spinning all around you
Only you can make me satisfied. You make me tingle tingle.
You are my lifes bingo. To throw everything away for you, Im eager.
Because I lost you, youre the girl in the mirror
Tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock, time passes by
Oh your heart which I cannot understand at all
Smile smile smile smile, the smiling you
Where did you go I cannot find you girl
Now that you have left me, only you are living well
What kind of situation is this, Im really exhausted
Not even a phone call from you
Youre. So. Mean.
What did you do last night, oh oh
Dont leave me
I definitely need you
I just want you baby here right now now now
I love you
Spin spin spin spin (Around you) spin spin spin spin
Spin spin spin spin (Today, too) spin spin spin spin
Until now, I still love you
Only you know me this well
Indispensable girl, you are the only one
Please dont leave me
Spin spin spin spin (Around you) spin spin spin spin
Spin spin spin spin (Today, too) spin spin spin spin
All around you, today too
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